November 27th, 2006
|11:18 pm - Addiction.|
I believe I am becoming addicted to Nyquil.
god it makes me feel so good.
November 24th, 2006
|11:29 am - thanksgiving was weird.|
my sister got drunk, first of all.
but she was definately over-exagerrating how drunk she was. i mean,
honestly... who sways that much when they walk? no one.
and then i get shit from my family for my lip. i mean, yea, i did expect it.
but what does having a lip ring have to do with sex?! god. my uncle is
crazy. but i do love him.
then my mother gets drunk and starts telling everyone how in grade
school and high school i went through hell. "kids called her ugly and
fat! she sat alone at lunch because this girl who was a holy roller
alienated her." and then she practically begged my uncle to tell me i
was beautiful. god it was hard not to cry. i felt like a pathetic baby. so
but, i did talk to my cousin amy for a while. she's going to be 31 next
week. and yea. she's just awesome. she told me to "fuck the family
bullshit" which i thought was hilarious. she's even going to wear her
nose ring and tongue ring at christmas. then when we were leaving
she kept telling me how awesome i am. and yea. that kinda made my
night. she's officially my favorite cousin.
anyway. im still sick and it sucks. and i was supposed to get my nails
done with lizzie this morning but she never called me back. nice, huh?
oh well. another boring day doing NOTHING.
November 20th, 2006
|09:03 pm - take all you can from me.|
this is it. i'm finished.
today is one of the worst days ive had in a long time.
i feel like the entire world is falling down on me. no
matter what i do, it just keeps crumbling.
and i've been broken. again. i dont know how much
more i can break. im already in tiny little pieces and
they're just waiting to be crushed by someone else.
so this is it. no more letting anyone in. no one. ive
got my walls up and thats how theyre going to stay.
thanks for the misery.
November 6th, 2006
|08:55 pm - Let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful.|
This desperation leaves me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy
I'm at a loss right now. I've disappointed myself alot the past few days. I'm lying, I'm bitching,
I'm blaming, and I'm slandering. That's not the type of person I am. But everyday I just keep
doing it. I feel selfish. And horrible. And I hate it.
I don't know what to do. I feel like a failure. Blah.
November 2nd, 2006
i honestly dont know how many more times my heart can break. not that it was whole to begin with but i think its just becoming more and more useless. and i havent even had a chance to really use it yet. my heart has gone to waste. how sad is that?
and now ill just lay here for two hours crying until i finally fall asleep.
i should know better. i should be smarter than this.
im pathetic. so pathetic.
October 27th, 2006
|11:09 pm - tonight was beautiful.|
i sat in my best friend's room for two hours.
and we just talked all night.
we're fucking nerds!
and were perverts in 8th grade.
but i love us.
and that makes me happy.
Current Mood: nostalgic
October 25th, 2006
|10:44 pm - All I'm suffering from is urban fucking cancer.|
I HATE LOVE.
i fucking hate it.
and i hate this stupid heart.
and the fact that it thought anyone could love it or the person it belongs to.
"i discard all my feelings. the stars still scar my ceiling."
i'm just... i'm fed up. with so much. i want to start over. i want to start
EVERYTHING over. i want to try new things. i don't want to be afraid
to take risks anymore. i just want to do what I want to do. and i don't
want to feel guilty about any of it. at all. ever.
i just want my life to start. and soon
otherwise i might go fucking insane.
blah. lj is good at making people go emo.
October 24th, 2006
|09:45 pm - stress and hard duress replace the hope i had everyday.|
it's all i think about. and i'm afraid i'm going to fail.
it seems like i falter over every piece of unstable ground. and everyone else? well they keep going; stumble-free. and i don't want to be left behind. but i can't even motivate myself. i have no desire to do anything school related. i haven't studied for one subject this semester. i practically bullshitted my political science paper. and this is COLLEGE. i'm in bloody college and i don't care. well. i do care. just... not enough, i guess.
i'd rather runaway.
i don't want to be where i am anymore. i don't want to live the life that i do. i want to have fun. i want to be free. and right now i feel so incredibly tied down. and i hate it. i don't want to have the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore. i just... I JUST WANT TO LIVE.
on another note; my dog is sitting outside my door.
i think i may just let him sleep in my room tonight.
Current Mood: stressed